


The Silence of Our Empty Road

by sakuranomi808



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Underage, Suicide, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28687806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuranomi808/pseuds/sakuranomi808
Summary: Post series finale. An alternate scenario where Sam doesn't go off and live a lovely apple pie life but instead succumbs to his delusions that Dean is still alive. Trigger warnings: suicide / multiple suicide attempts, mental illness.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 50





	The Silence of Our Empty Road

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a re-worked fic from something I wrote post Season 7. Crazy how it still applies after all this time. Title and some snippets inspired by Natalie Walker's song "Empty Road".

It's over.

The only person in the world who has ever mattered -- dead and gone, nothing but embers and ash from the funeral pyre dissipating into the chilly night air. Sam closes his eyes and chokes back a sob, his chest hollow as an echo. 

Fingertips – rough and calloused and familiar– brush over Sam's cheek and he instinctively leans into it, chasing after childhood's pure comfort despite the panic quickly blotting out the corners of his vision.

“Dean,” he manages to say. “You can’t be- you’re not-”

“I'm right here, Sammy,” Dean cuts in gently. “Not gonna leave you.”

Sam laughs sharply and wraps his arms tight around his brother like he'll float away if he lets go, gratefully breathing in the scent of leather and kerosene and home.

+++

Headlights flicker in the dark, far in the distance where earth meets the edge of heaven. It's quiet out here, nothing but the sound of a summer breeze in the trees as it flutters lazily by. 

Dean is warm and solid and writhing beneath him, laid out across night-cooled metal, gold-speckled hazel eyes twinkling under the blanket of a million stars. Sam buries his face against the curve of his brother's neck, crying out softly when he finally succumbs to the pleasure washing over him in waves.

Afterward, he presses his ear to Dean's chest, listening to the blood coursing through his veins. The words slip out quietly, mostly to himself: “I know you're not real.”

“I love you,” Dean replies. “That’s the only thing that is real.” 

+++

Dean sleeps on – eyelashes fluttering gently over sand-colored freckles – even when Sam stumbles into the bathroom and shoves the door shut behind him, empty bottle of pills still clutched in his fist. The tears come hot and furious, burning as they streak down his cheeks.

“You promised,” he chokes out, dropping to his knees, the tiled floor ice cold beneath him. “You said we would be together.” 

It doesn't make sense, none of it does – like rain falling from the ground to the sky, promises just waiting to be broken. 

+++

It seems like a hundred lifetimes ago, but he still remembers this place, clear as day – Dean, all confidence and boyish charm; Sam himself still awkward and clumsy, uncomfortable in his own skin. One of a million firsts, the only one he'll never forget. He'd made Dean promise him – “Cross your heart” – even though deep down, he knew he didn't have to ask.

The handle of the blade is cool against his heated flesh, enough for his hands to tremble. But just like always, Dean is there, his hands sure and strong, wrapping around Sam's fingers to steady them.

“I'm so sorry,” Sam whispers into the silence, eyes sliding shut as he falls onto the soft blanket of earth.

Birds sing happily in the distance and the sun keeps on shining down – a warm summer morning and a world that'll go right on turning. Dean sweeps the sweat-damp strands of hair away from Sam's face and smiles, undeterred. “It’s okay, little brother. We'll make our own heaven. I always knew we would.”


End file.
